We all know those people who are over the top, who need everyone’s attention and who generally drive us mad, the ones who make us bang our heads against a wall. But how should we cope with them? Do we cut them out of our lives, try to change them, or accept them for who they are and change our responses to them?
We have to remember that we only have the power to change things that we are in control of. Our responses to others, how we lead our lives and the things we do, how we think and feel, these are the things we can control alongside what we wear, eat and who we spend time with.
Those annoying people can be our nearest and dearest and we can feel as though we can do nothing about them and to be honest, it’s not our job or our right to change them. How we cope is by changing how we react, how we take care of ourselves and how we present ourselves to them.
It is amazing how others change their own behaviour when they notice that we have changed ourselves. This is very evident when someone gets a new job or starts a new challenge or relationship. People either support you, challenge you or get jealous. When someone is jealous it is not because they don’t like you, it is because they are seeing something lacking in themselves. This is something that you cannot change, you have no control over how others see themselves.
Making sense? If someone is annoying you, driving you mad with their moaning and catastophising, you cannot get them to change. You can see why you are annoyed. Is it their tone, their behaviour, their complaint? What is making you feel angry? Once you know that you can see what you can do to stop feeling like that. Do you feel that you need to help them or walk away, what do you need to change how you are feeling?
Some people have the ability to change your mood from happy to depressed in the blink of an eye. But is it really them changing you, no it’s you changing you. You are choosing to let someone make you feel bad. Stop it! It is not their fault.
You may not agree with me here but let’s have a think. If say your parents held a view that you disagreed with, are they wrong? In your eyes maybe, not in theirs. Do they feel bad about having a different perspective on something to you? It’s not about others driving you mad, it’s about you allowing this to happen.
Not going to get political here but look at what’s been happening in the world with regards to who is right and who is wrong. Do I let the people with different views annoy me? yes, but then I think about it and it serves me no good to keep being annoyed.
So, people who drive you mad, you can’t change them or their opinions but you can change how you deal with it and you will start to feel less wound up and that wall won’t get a head hit against it.
Victoria Warwick-Jones Counselling 